Sooo I’m a bit late but I was inspired by @davekatweek first day prompt, “Before-Canon” to finally do something I’ve been wanting to for a long time, hoped you enjoyed!
here’s some salamanders rubbing smuppet ass strap-ons together. i needed to do something that wasn’t high pressure and silly so here we are i guess.
i decided they dont actually experience anything biologically sexual so they just press this stuff together and get each other incredibly worked-up and flustered.
also jake and dirk’s skaianet media arm launches actual wwe sports industries for the salamanders’ puppet-based tension and popularize anime-style superhero wwe fighters. this guy is their mascot. their standard hero. i named him “Yiffglub”.
Here he is bringing down a flustered challenger. Its the best thing Dave’s ever seen.
Here we see the introduction of a darker and edgier rival character. An antihero. A heel. note the matching bro wanking energy crystals. Jake designed these and Dirk refuses to meet Roxy in the eyes for two weeks.
so i think the setting of Earth C is MASSIVELY underrated, ok? like. jane and jake run corporations they presumably do genuine business through. i don’t think Earth C has a simply capitalist society. It’s more likely to have elements of capitalism but with universal basic income and a robust social safety net.
As such there’d be no need for work and all of Skaianet and Crockercorp’s staff would be volunteers, and why wouldn’t they volunteer? They’re companies run by the literal gods that created them and both of the heads have demonstrable market savvy in other lives or while being cyborgs.
Also they have literal magic superpowers they can use to create ideas out of nothing. It would be stupidly easy to make a killing by just selling stuff in that context. Both companies would probably have giveaways and all sorts of marketing campaigns.
Ultimately what I’m saying is, in Earth C, these companies would act something like Disney or Marvel in our U.S. society–as cultural powerhouses. They’d also be means to introduce any kind of product or memetic idea into the world’s culture a particular writer found valuable.
And the culture of Earth C’s world is somewhat malleable, as the Snapchats showed us. If bigotry still exists to some extent, then the kids potentially become sort of…Super-Liberals, with kindhearted values that will be listened to by all the adults around them.
That create art that will be paid mind through, and appreciated by the mainstream through like professional companies under their own name. And these are kids just starting to get a handle on superpowers with near limitless utility, meaning they’ll only get craftier and more capable over time.
It’s just such an irresistibly rich setting.
What I’m trying to get at, in the end, is that someday in just the couple-years gap between Act 7, Credits, and..whatever happens in the epilogue, it’s totally plausible that, like
Dirk like…accidentally distributed too good a memetic marketing scheme through the media arm of skaianet, and ended up creating a thriving smuppet porn industry that dominated the entertainment sector of…
the consorts.
You could even write compelling character drama around it.
Dave coming to grips with the stunning revelation that Dirk had delivered on the promise of raising a small flock of bots of hardcore soft plush aficionados, but his bots were…literally living and breathing and ADORABLE fucking amphibian idiots. All like, buying dicknose masks and smuppet ass strap-ons and shit.
And Dirk just now realizing this could be potentially uncomfortable for Dave and freaking out internally about it, already crafting plans to make Consorts think smuppets were gross as hell actually, already trying to figure out how to apologize–
Only for Dave to bust a gut laughing and think its the funniest thing ever. Because Dirk isn’t Bro, and this isn’t creepy or mean-spirited or malicious its just having fun with how objectively hilarious the premise is.
Oh also Jake gets them into wrestling. The consorts I mean. So the consorts are into wrestling with smuppet paraphernaliaon, specifically. In fact Jake used Skaianet to distribute Hope-produced magic sexy stamina-restoring jack off bro crystals to the consorts considerably surfer dudebro subdemographic. That’s a whole thing, too.
“You sold a magic crystal that restores amphibian sex vitality perpetually, with magic literally powered by two salamander bros engaged in the intense spiritual practice of gay smuppet wrestlewanking?” Karkat says, horrified at the sheer power Skaianet’s marketing arm wields. Jake is a powerful man.
Also shameless as hell. Dave has a freudian slip and suggests a human-troll version and everybody dies but Jake, who is grinning and being very loud about what a good idea that is in this diner.
John: warily eyes the pastry booths bc he still has a deep mistrust for baked goods thanks to the Betty Crocker incident aka literally the apocalypse. Plays a (rigged) wack-a-mole game and gets frustrated when he keeps losing. Terezi makes fun of him so he whips out the hammer of zillyhoo and ah, crushes the game, so to speak. His prize is a giant bunny. He puts it back in the box.
Jade: sees one of those rodeo electronic bull things and goes oh that looks fun! Everyone is like uhhh Jade that can get pretty wild are u sure?? Karkat bets Jade that she won’t last 5 mins, oh really Karkat? 5 minutes? She sits on that bucking bronco for an entire hour making uncomfortable and spite fueled eye contact with Karkat the entire time. She only gets off because there’s a line.
Dave: wants to go on all the big rides and drags Karkat along despite Karkat complaining very loudly the entire time. Sorry Karkles, you scared of heights? You a scaredy Kat? A scaredy Karkat? Fuck you Dave, I’m fine! Dave drags him on the biggest rollercoaster in the entire park, they get off and Karkat says wow that was actually pretty fun! Dave’s hair is a mess, he looks inches from perma-death, that was horrible oh god. Not a word, Rose, he says. She and Kanaya are definitely not snickering behind their hands.
Rose: makes a goddamn beeline with Kanaya in tow to the haunted house ride because fuck yes she wants to see some creepy ass shit. If y’all have ever been in an amusement park haunted house, you know how vastly disappointed she was by the lame jump-scares and cheap monsters. Kanaya made it up to her by taking her to the Tunnel O’ Love™ and Rose was significantly cheered up.
Kanaya: isn’t a huge fan of non-blood food but v intrigued by all the fried stuff. Why Is It Fried? Does It Add Flavor? Not really, Rose tells her, it’s mostly just another way humanity likes to push itself closer and closer to its own imminent demise. Only now they’ve roped the trolls and carapacians into it. Oh, Kanaya says. She tries a fried Twinkie and sucks the filling out w her sick rainbow drinker/ vampire skills. Delicious. A single tear trails down Rose’s cheek. I have never been more in love w you.
Terezi: that scene with Toph and the scam artists in ATLA? Basically picture that. It’s one of those rubber duck games where they’re all floating in the pool and at the bottom of them is a different color and that’s how big a prize you get, thing is, Terezi can smell what’s on the bottom. She wins Vriska all the prizes and the dude running the booth is sweating and has to write her an IOU that John won’t let Terezi cash in on because that’s cheating and that’s wrong!
Jane: goes around with Jade and Roxy and Callie critiquing the food booths on their baking skills. She absolutely loathes that everything is fried bc it’s a cheap tactic to make weak bakers stronger! She tries a funnel cake and immediately changes her mind. CrockerCorp releases its own line of fried food that fall. Roxy calls her a sellout but eats it all anyways bc it’s just That Good.
Jake: finds one of those carnival shooter games and one of the big stuffed animal prizes is a gigantic rainbow dash my little pony and,,,he sees Dirk eyeing it. He doesn’t say anything, but Jake Knows. He tells Dirk he has to run off to the “little lads” room for a second, but he goes back to the shooting game, crushes the fuck out of those targets with the wimpy water gun, and presents Dirk with this oversized goddamn pony. It is touching and romantic for everyone involved.
Dirk: tries to show off to Jake by doing that strength test where u slam the hammer down and try to ring the bell at the top, he makes it about half the way up and he’s like fuck yeah that’s pretty fuckin’ good. Jake goes wow golly that’s impressive! Mind if I give it the old college try? Dirk is like pffft go for it, still flexin his muscles trynna show off and shit. Jake casually slams it down and rings the goddamn bell so hard it almost flies off the top. Dirk just stands there with his eyes v wide behind his shades while Jake is like gosh! Must have been buggered, huh?
Roxy: goes on every single ride she is living for today y’all, Callie is too short for most of the rides but Roxy promises to dab at the top of every coaster so Callie can spot her from where she’s watching down below. They share an ice cream sundae and Roxy gives Callie the cherry on top bc it’s “a cherry for a cherub!”
Sollux: idk about amusement parks near y’all but I live right by cedar point and there’s a coaster called Gemini so uhhh he and Aradia just do that. All day. Sollux rides this rollercoaster 53 times, turns to Aradia, says “what if bees had yaoi hands would that be fucked up or what” then passes out for a week.
Flying through Storytelling 