by Vivian

DIRK: Oh, hey. Sorry I’ve been quiet for a bit.
JAKE: Perish the thought!
JAKE: I know how you get when youre dick deep in robots.
DIRK: By Jake alone could such words be guilelessly said.
DIRK: Uh, but yeah, something that’s been in the back of my head.
DIRK: What was that weirdly charming thing you said we were like?
JAKE: Ah! Youll recall it was, “Peas and carrots”!
DIRK: Peas and carrots, that’s right.
DIRK: I liked that, but I forgot what it’s from.
JAKE: Forrest gump!
DIRK: Oh fuck me sideways.
JAKE: !?
DIRK: Now I feel like a tremendous chump.
JAKE: Why the hey? Forrest’s a stupendous gump from a peerless drama!
JAKE: That Forrest had gusto to spare. Not to mention a fearless mama!
JAKE: By gum, her spunky selfless antics just filled me with elation!
JAKE: Remember how she boned the principal for Forrests education?
DIRK: I do. Wish I didn’t.
JAKE: And how elvis jacked forrests swagger instead of black artists?
JAKE: And how forrest’s friend jenny got hit by aids hardest?
DIRK: Yeah, uh. The big man might want to call a time-out on that claim.
DIRK: Dude, don’t you think there are people who that portrayal defames?
JAKE: Defame schemame. Now makes its debut: striderian snootiness!
JAKE: Disdain for whats plain as punch yet is inherently beauteous!
DIRK: It’s not exactly snooty that manipulative schmaltz makes me ill at ease.
DIRK: That weird Vietnam revisionism. Forrest with the war criminal Lyndon B.
DIRK: Ugh. That vaguely racist Forrest-aura that kept the protagonist from harm.
DIRK: A plot which intoduces… the new friend, Bubba, who was born to die in Forrest’s arms.
DIRK: Stuff like that is why I’m on the negative side of our particular Gump-opinion-schism.
DIRK: Cause it’s schlock fabricated to insulate a long-past generation from self-criticism.
JAKE: Aha! Funny you should mention the lifetime performance of donny glover.
JAKE: Cause theres a tidbit of reason youve yet to reckon with, lover.
JAKE: Theres a lesson in donny glovers story, and a reason he took home oscar glory.
JAKE: His small role puffed up with joie de vivre! His life fully lived before death most gory!
JAKE: Qualitys got a savoir-faire, a quintessence, and no man can mistake it.
JAKE: Be the writing ever so dog shit, its the oomph of passion that makes it.
JAKE: Cant you just feel it oozing? The gumpean passion that leaks out of tom hanks!
DIRK: If you’re asking me to consider Tom’s ooze or his leakages, the answer’s definitely “no thanks.”
DIRK: Dribbling pus or passion aside, it’s with the takeaway that I’ve got compunctions.
JAKE: But isnt it the person viewing, that molds their own takeaway and imbues it with gumption?
DIRK: Toxic garbage is as toxic garbage does. No matter if the audience puts their voice in.
DIRK: I’ll never like that shitty movie, and I feel like all mentions of it are poisoned.
JAKE: Well. We may be at an impasse. But instead of feeling like a first-class horses ass,
JAKE: Id instead like to beg my pal and paramour to not throw a pet name out like nasty trash.
JAKE: Whatever you got from that movie, even by irony, why all of that is all yours!
JAKE: Whether you wept like me big gobs of tears or hit the ground laughing on all fours.
DIRK: You’ve got a point, though it’s no fair baiting me with talk of an all-fours position.
JAKE: (Gulp…!)
DIRK: Despite all havoc wrought by such a propaganda mess, there’s, yeah, value in my ironic derision.
DIRK: And there’s some value in that dorky pet name too.
DIRK: Let not my snobbery be as disdain miscontrued.
JAKE: So its decided! “Peas and carrots” is our pet name, our badge of honor and love!
JAKE: Theres no more boffo sign of bonding, at least none that my brain can think of!
JAKE: Let he who thinks theres a more spot-on symbol be proclaimed a brainless bumpkin!
DIRK: (Feels like we’re missing something obvious… but I don’t know what somethin’?)
DIRK: But yeah.
DIRK: Lyrical and philosophical waxing aside.
DIRK: It’s you and me.
DIRK: Peas and carrots, buddy.
JAKE: Oh Dirk. Im just over the moon that you see things my way.
JAKE: It really is just like they say… “Life is like a box of chocolates!”
DIRK: “You need to watch out because like a good 40% of it tastes like utter shit and if you’re not careful sometimes it can horribly kill you.”