hey folks general statement: people know each other and if you are an ass to someone’s friend everyone else is going to find out. if you really want to be friends with anyone just be nice. stop being mean. to everyone. be a nice person. that is all you have to do
if you want to get into an industry or a skill or a niche or any sort of group, just be nice to everyone. word gets around if you are and word gets around if you are not. why would anyone want to work/be friends with someone who hates their friends
some discussion has been going around and I want to clarify: this is not saying be nice to people because you might work with them, this is saying if you are an ass everyone is going to find out and people need to stop being shocked by that
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I was thinking over what you said about finding spaces not involved in culture wars. Is this really okay?
Yes.
So I decided I only need my few trusted friends. Others are hostile filth.
Hmm.
Knowing people from a wide range of backgrounds, and being politically and socially involved, can be healthy or it can be unhealthy. When it means getting into constant fights over your own private life with people who are calling you a freak, it’s unhealthy, and prioritizing relationships with people who don’t treat you that way is a great idea. But I do have some worries about the ways you’re thinking of it here.
Most people are not hostile filth. It might be that most people cannot be a good friend to you. Most people you’ve interacted with have treated you poorly, and it is okay to decide that you don’t want to interact with them. But lots of people are trying, from the tiny corner of human experiences which they have seen and which they understand, to paint the lines in a way that makes for a good world full of human flourishing. They often suck at it. It’s okay to be annoyed at how much they suck at it; it’s okay to look out at the world and go ‘come on, you could try just the tiniest bit harder to understand me and then you wouldn’t be hurting me constantly and I am sick and tired of your best because your best sucks’.
I think ‘most people are not terrible, and most people are trying to be kind and good’ is sometimes an incredibly threatening thing to say. Some people have been taught that the only reason they can cut someone out of their life is because they are terrible. So saying ‘no, they aren’t terrible’ is saying ‘I deny your excuse for not having that person in your life’. The thing is, it doesn’t matter if someone is the greatest, most virtuous, most loving, most dedicated person in the universe, if being around them is not pleasant for you you get to stop doing it. Once you believe that, it is a lot less threatening to believe that most people are well-meaning and decent.
So I think you should feel more okay with not interacting with people and also less inclined to think of those people as hostile filth, and I sort of expect those to be related to each other.
And this also seems relevant to your feeling lonely and isolated. I think there is a world of difference between ‘spending time with these people makes me unhappy, and so I don’t want to do it’ and ‘these are bad people’. Feeling like everyone in the world except a few trusted friends is a bad person is absolutely going to be isolating! You can’t dare let your current relationships slip through your hands, because they’re the only people who aren’t terrible in an ocean of terrible! You can’t casually enjoy a non-political talk with a stranger, because they are terrible and might turn on you! That sounds exhausting!
The healthier way to think about this is ‘I get to decide whether interacting with someone is making me happy or making me sad. If it’s making me sad, I get to stop. I don’t have to put up with people who hurt me for the sake of ‘not isolating myself’. Correspondingly, I don’t have to cut someone out of my life for being ‘bad’ if interacting with them makes me happy. I can just decide who I want to spend time with, and deciding not to spend time with someone is not judging them unworthy or evil, it’s just noticing that I don’t like spending time with them.’
This is categorically always okay. It can still be isolating, if you notice that all of the people around you make you sad, and in that case I urge you to look for people who don’t, because it is definitely important to have people who you actually like interacting with. But I think it will be less isolating than ‘most people are bad and so either I interact with them anyway because it is virtuous or I avoid them and feel lonely’, because it takes the ‘badness’ and ‘virtuousness’ out of the question and lets you just ask yourself what you want.
“ In August, 1968, the country was still reeling from the assassination of Martin Luther King four months earlier, and the race riots that followed on its heels. Nightly news showed burning cities, white flight, radicals and reactionaries snarling at each other across the cultural divide.
“A brand new children’s show out of Pittsburgh, which had gone national the previous year, took a different approach. Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood introduced Officer Clemmons, a black police officer who was a kindly, responsible authority figure, kept his neighborhood safe, and was Mr. Roger’s equal, colleague and neighbor.
“Around the first anniversary of Martin Luther King’s death, Mr. Rogers invited Officer Clemmons to join him in soaking their tired feet in a plastic wading pool. And there they were, brown feet and pasty white feet, side by side in the water. Silently, contemplatively, without comment.
“25 years later, when the actor playing Officer Clemmons retired, his last scene on the show revisited that same wading pool, this time reminiscing. Officer Clemmons asked Mr. Rogers what he’d been thinking during their silent interlude a quarter century before. Fred Rogers’ answer was that he’d been thinking of the many ways people say “I love you.”
– Carl Aveni’s FB page
Mr Rogers was one of the good ones.
^^^^^
Considering the fraught and painful history of excluding black people from swimming pools in that era, there is no way this wasn’t a very pointed commentary to the people who were being exclusionary. This was a specifically chosen visual.
It’s not a fuck-you. Mr. Rogers didn’t do fuck-yous. But it was a clear, decisive, pointed statement. It was more than just showing inclusion; it was a deliberate response to what was going on in the world. This was him saying “you can do better. We can all do better. What you are doing is wrong.” This was a sweet, simple, and relatable thing to show little kids, to give them a view of a black man as kind and professional and a trusted adult – but also a lovely and strong statement to their parents and to the world.
It could have lost him his show, or at least his national distribution. It could have gotten him attacked both in the news and personally in person, but he did it anyway. I wish I knew if he ever talked about this, and how aware he and the show producers were of the statement this made.
Man, do we need more Fred Rogers in the world.
ALSO: At the end of the segment, Mr. Rogers helps dry Officer Clemmons’ feet, which is a biblical, supplicatory gesture. The scene was very, very intentionally about inclusion and caring.
if you click to open this thread you die in real life
predicted answer: “have sex with me”
I read this thread and it’s surprisingly wholesome. Lots of guys either wanting to be the little spoon, making jokes about blanket hogging, or wanting their girlfriends to say what they like so that they can pleasure them more.
Tbh I’m starting to think most of tumblr seriously lack any serious interaction with men, and not only sexual but to a platonic/friendship level.
I don’t mean to attack anyone but how come all this people decided men would think something pervert and rapey? How come people who actually checked were so surprised that men wanted something humanly acceptable and maybe even *gasps* cute?
I am serious in this question: did you ever had male friends? Because this thread to me was the LEAST surprising thing on earth.
In HS, having been a butch lesbian and having had a ton of male friends, the typical sex questions were “hey, can you tell me how to mae her feel good?” or “hey, how do I tell if she likes it?” or “do I sound clingy/pathetic if I want cuddles after?”. Boyfriends worry about their girlfriends pleasure, their happiness and what they think of sex. They do. And when they don’t do much to pleasure them, most of the time is because they are inexperienced. Women do have a problem with communicating their desire, nobody denies that it’s also society’s fault but if you don’t ask stuff you can’t get surprised you don’t get it and out there it’s full of men wanting to do things with respect and to make their girlfriends happy.
Boys are WHOLESOME. As girls are. People are wholesome and nice and vulnerable and in strive for good things for them and others.
And even those who made sexual comments like “blowjobs” or “more boob stuff”…. why is it bad? It’s a NSFW thread???? It’s the space to talk about that. Would you have the same reaction if in their matching thread women said they want their boyfriends to go down on them more? Or if they said they’d like him to touch them in different zones? Would you have complained if women said it of their girlfriends? Then why shaming boys?
Having needs both sexual and emotional is natural, the important is not force them on people who don’t feel like that and these men didn’t (which is why the thread exists in first place).
Men have emotional needs too and pretending they don’t and buying into the “all men think about is sex” and “ah men are all rapey and dirty” is sexism, not only towards men but because it implies that women are purer than them which leads to the HolyMary kinda misoginy that denies women their need to physical pleasure.
Also let’s stop pretending sex is inherently dirty and bad. Sex is fun, as long as it’s consensual.
But yeah I agree with op, I did die opening it, OUT OF THE CUTENESS THAT SPILLED FROM IT.
Ok yeah that was cute
Aw I want this.
posts with bad vibes being turned into more comfy things like this are why i still browse this site
Someone actually fixed this shitty post and made it good.
God can speak through whomever God wishes, whenever God wishes, with no regard for the artificial limitations we have placed upon her. Indeed, any theology that limits the voice, activity, and range of God is guilty of the most egregious idolatry -worshipping the golden calf of religion and dogma, having forgotten both the majesty and wideness of God’s Spirit.
Flying through Storytelling 