Rose & Kanaya: Revolutionary Girl Utena. Dirk and Rose have ridiculously in-depth conversations about visual symbolism and growing up queer and toxic masculinity and predatory manipulation. Rose has to reassure Dirk he isn’t like the dudes at least twice but through subtle passive-aggressive barbs. Kanaya is sipping tea and sure there are great storms brewing in this conversation but it’s not gonna stop her from sewing this Rose Bride cosplay and having fun.

Jake: Hunter x Hunter. Dirk sees himself in Killua too much and cries a few times. Jake is floored and pokes some fun at him but then realises Dirk relates because of how much Killua loves Gon and figures out he’s the Gon here, then he’s crying too. They kiss and wear flower crowns and do couple cosplays. Jake loves the tiny shorts. Dirk does too. 

John & Roxy: Gurren Lagaan. Dirk complains a lot. John sprains his eyes from rolling them too hard. Roxy loves every second of it. They get so mad at each other it turns into a wrestling match and Roxy snapchats the whole thing for everyone and later asks Dirk if it’s weird she thought it was hot. Dirk grins and says ‘You can look but don’t touch.’ They hug and it’s great and John d’aws.

Jane: Evangelion. He spends about equal amounts of time complaining about the meaningless religious bullshit and trying not to cry about people loving each other but not knowing how to connect. Jane understands him perfectly on both counts just like she knew she would but he wasn’t expecting it would hit close to home for her too. They hug and it’s great and Jake cries when he hears about it later. 

Dave & Karkat: Karkat won’t watch anything thats not a high school romance shoujo, Dave only likes anime that’s shitposty, and Dirk only wants to watch sbahj with Dave anyway. They try to find some middle ground but it never happens. Then Rose sets them up with the Sailor Moon dub and they never stop referencing it for the rest of their immortal lives. 

Jade & Calliope: Dirk wants to get closer to Jade but he’s incredibly intimidated and worried about being weird because she’s Jake’s grandmother, so he’s super psyched when she corners him and is like “Hey I heard you’re a furry too” and he’s like “AM I” and she wants to show him this great show about furries is he free this afternoon.

He says he is and then suddenly he’s sitting on a couch and he’s psyched Jake is gonna be so happy with him and maybe he’ll break the awkward ice with Jade for good and then she loads up the show and it’s Sonic X.

Dirk looks sideways and Jade and Calliope look so earnest and happy and they already have drawing tools out because they like to draw fursona designs while they watch and Dirk has just committed to an afternoon marathon of Sonic X. He wonders if theres any horses in the sonic franchise. There’s not.